As a guy, I’ve seen it up close: men who date women just to date or hook up, knowing they’ll move on eventually. Some of my friends, back in the day, would keep things casual, pretending to be invested when, really, they were just killing time. And meanwhile, the women they were dating were left hoping for a real relationship.
That’s why you need to know the signs. If he’s only around on his terms or dodging any real commitment, he’s probably not in it for the long haul.
Recognizing these behaviors can save you months of wasted time and avoid the heartbreak of finding out he was never serious.
Here are the nine things that show he’s not interested. If he’s checking any of these boxes, don’t ignore it.
- 1. He's Always "Too Busy" for You
- 2. He Doesn't Initiate Contact
- 3. He Talks About Other Women in Front of You
- 4. He's Hot and Cold
- 5. He Never Makes Real Plans
- 6. He Only Meets Up When Sex is On the Table
- 7. He Doesn't Ask Questions About Your Life
- 8. He Never Brings Up the Future – Even Casually
- 9. Your Gut Already Knows the Truth
1. He’s Always “Too Busy” for You

Sure, life can get busy. But if he only has time for you when it suits him—or whenever he decides to free up his schedule—that’s a clear signal.
When you suggest meeting up and he’s suddenly unavailable, it’s not because he’s too busy; it’s because you’re not a priority.
A man who’s genuinely interested will find ways to fit you into his life, even if it means adjusting plans.
Related: 9 Things Men Really Want During Dating
So, if you’re noticing that he’s always “busy” on your terms but magically free on his, take it as a sign. He’s putting you on the back burner, and that’s not the kind of attention you deserve.
2. He Doesn’t Initiate Contact
If you’re always the one reaching out—calling, texting, planning meet-ups—while he barely lifts a finger, it’s not a good sign.
When a guy is genuinely interested, he’ll take the initiative to connect with you, not just wait for you to make all the moves.
And, yes, a quick reality check: if you’re contacting him constantly, he might feel like he doesn’t have to try.
If you’re doing all the work, he’s got zero motivation to step up and show genuine interest. So, give him the space to take the lead.
If he doesn’t? That tells you exactly where you stand.
3. He Talks About Other Women in Front of You

And no, we’re not talking about casual mentions of female friends from school, work, or his past.
We’re talking about him commenting on other women in that guy-talk way—bringing up their looks, making remarks about their bodies, or even hinting at what he’d do with them.
When a man is interested in you, his focus stays on you.
If he’s comfortable openly checking out other women and objectifying them around you, it shows a lack of respect and a lack of interest in taking things seriously.
Related: Top Mistakes Women Make When Pursuing a Man
You’re not his friend or his buddy—you’re someone he should be pursuing, not sidelining with these kinds of comments.
4. He’s Hot and Cold
Hot and cold might keep things exciting in the early stages, but if he’s still playing this game once you’re dating, that’s a red flag.
When he’s all over you one day and then distant or unavailable the next, it’s usually because he’s not fully invested.
This back-and-forth likely means one of two things: he’s either unsure if he wants to date you, or he simply doesn’t care enough to stay consistent.
If he wanted something real, he wouldn’t be putting you through this emotional rollercoaster. It’s not attraction; it’s a sign he’s keeping you on the line without committing.
5. He Never Makes Real Plans

If he’s never setting up real dates and only suggests last-minute hangouts, that’s a sign he’s not putting serious thought into spending time with you.
When a guy’s interested, he’ll make actual plans—dinners, activities, something that shows he values your time.
But if he’s always keeping it casual and convenient, he’s not thinking long-term. He’s just looking for whatever fits his schedule, not working to make you a priority.
6. He Only Meets Up When Sex is On the Table
Unfortunately, this one’s all too common. A lot of guys will put on the charm—be warm, attentive, and say all the right things—but only when there’s a chance it’ll lead to sex.
If he’s only free late at night, only wants to hang out at one of your places, or never suggests dates outside the bedroom, you’re dealing with someone who’s not interested in anything beyond the physical.
This one can be tricky to spot because he’ll likely be on his best behavior to keep things going.
Related: Tips to Show Interest Without Seeming Desperate
But if you look closely at the pattern of where and when he wants to meet, you’ll see the truth. Real interest shows up in more than just bedroom plans—he’d be eager to spend time with you outside of that setting if he were serious.
7. He Doesn’t Ask Questions About Your Life
If you’ve been dating for more than a few days, and he still hasn’t shown any real interest in your life, that’s a major red flag.
A guy who’s truly interested will be curious about you—he’ll ask about your hobbies, your friends, what you’re passionate about, and even the small details that make you, you.
When he doesn’t ask questions, it’s because he’s not trying to connect with you on a deeper level. Instead, he’s just coasting on the surface, keeping things casual.
8. He Never Brings Up the Future – Even Casually

Having fun and keeping things light is great, but if you’re looking for something real, it’s natural to start talking about the future at some point.
And, no, this doesn’t mean having a serious talk about marriage on date two—but after a while, it’s normal to see hints or playful mentions about what’s next.
Think about those little jokes, like “What do you think my mom would say if she met you?” or “Can you imagine us doing this next year?”
If there’s never a hint of these, and he avoids any talk about the future altogether, that’s a big red flag.
An invested guy won’t shy away from talking about what’s down the road, even if it’s just in a playful, casual way. If he’s keeping it all in the here and now, it’s because he’s not seeing you in his future.
9. Your Gut Already Knows the Truth
Sometimes, deep down, you already know. Call it instinct, intuition, or just a feeling, but your gut is rarely wrong.
If you’re constantly doubting his interest, feeling uneasy, or second-guessing everything he does, there’s a reason for that.
Your instincts are picking up on signs that he’s not fully in it, even if your mind is trying to ignore them. Listen to that feeling—it’s there to protect you from wasting time and energy on someone who isn’t worth it.
If something feels off, trust yourself. You know the truth better than anyone else.
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