If He’s Doing These 10 Things, He’s Fantasizing About Someone Else

I remember a time when my friend Sarah was convinced everything was fine in her relationship. They were like two peas in a pod, or so she thought.

Then, she started noticing little things—like how her boyfriend seemed lost in thought more often or how he suddenly became more secretive with his phone.

It turned out he was fantasizing about someone else, and while it was painful for her, recognizing those signs early helped her make informed decisions about her relationship. This topic matters because many of us have been in Sarah’s shoes or know someone who has.

Understanding the signs can save you from heartache and help you address issues before they become unmanageable. Whether it’s about setting boundaries or having open conversations, being aware can make a huge difference. In this article, you’ll discover ten signs that might suggest your partner is fantasizing about someone else.

By the end, you’ll have a clearer picture of what to look for and how to handle the situation if it arises. Let’s dive into these signs so you can feel more confident and secure in your relationship decisions.

1. Increased Secrecy with Devices

guy typing on the phone

If you notice him being extra protective about his phone or computer, it might be a red flag. I’ve seen this happen with a few friends, and it’s often a sign of something more than just wanting privacy.

Maybe he suddenly starts taking his phone everywhere, even places where he never used to, like the bathroom. Or perhaps he’s always locking his devices, and you catch him closing tabs or apps when you walk into the room. Pay attention to how he reacts when you’re near his phone or laptop.

If he seems jumpy or quickly changes screens, it could mean he’s hiding something. It’s natural for people to want some alone time, but if his behavior with his devices changes dramatically, that’s worth noting.

Trust your instincts here. It’s important to communicate openly about how this makes you feel rather than jumping to conclusions.

2. Frequent Mentions of Another Person

When someone frequently brings up another person in conversations, it can be a subtle sign that they’re preoccupied with that individual. I once noticed this with a friend who couldn’t stop talking about a new coworker, even during casual chats.

It wasn’t just the occasional mention but rather an almost constant presence in his stories and anecdotes. You might find that he references this person in various contexts, like sharing their opinions or experiences more than seems normal.

It’s like this other person has somehow become part of your daily life, even if you’ve never met them. This could be a clue that they’re occupying more than just a friendly space in his mind. It’s important to pay attention to the way he talks about them, too.

If you sense a change in his tone or enthusiasm when speaking of this person, that’s worth noting. While it could be nothing, it also might hint at deeper feelings or fantasies he hasn’t voiced yet.

Trust your instincts and consider having an open conversation if this behavior makes you uncomfortable.

3. Changes in Sexual Behavior

couple after sex

When there’s a noticeable shift in the bedroom, it can be a subtle hint that his mind might be wandering elsewhere. Maybe he’s suddenly less interested in intimacy or, conversely, trying out new things that seem out of the blue.

These changes can feel confusing, especially if they seem to come out of nowhere. I remember another friend telling me how her partner became distant during intimate moments, often with a far-off look.

It was as if he was physically there but mentally somewhere else. This kind of shift can leave you feeling disconnected, wondering if he’s thinking about someone else. It’s important to trust your gut.

If something feels off, it’s worth having a gentle, open conversation to understand what’s going on. Sometimes, it’s just a phase, but other times, it might be a sign he’s mentally elsewhere.

Addressing it directly can help clear the air and bring some clarity to the situation.

4. Emotional Detachment

When you’re in a relationship, emotional connection is key. But if he’s pulling away emotionally, it could be a sign that his mind is wandering elsewhere.

You might notice that he seems less interested in your day-to-day life or isn’t as supportive as he used to be. It’s like he’s physically there but emotionally checked out. This detachment can make conversations feel more like transactions than genuine interactions.

You might find that he’s less willing to share his thoughts and feelings or even avoids talking about anything meaningful. This shift can leave you feeling like you’re talking to a stranger rather than your partner. Trust your instincts if you sense a wall between you two.

It’s important to address these feelings head-on. Open a dialogue about your concerns, and let him know how his distance is impacting you.

If he’s willing to engage, it might help bridge the gap. But remember, emotional detachment is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.

5. Increased Time Spent Alone

guy in the park talking on the phone

Finding that someone you care about is spending more time alone can be unsettling. It’s important to remember that everyone needs personal space, but if he’s carving out more alone time than usual, it might raise some questions.

This sudden shift could mean he’s preoccupied, possibly with thoughts or fantasies about someone else. If he’s often retreating to another room or opting for solo outings more frequently, it could signal that he’s using this time to mentally escape.

Maybe he’s diving into a book or a new hobby, but it could also be a way to explore feelings or fantasies he’s not ready to share with you. It’s crucial to approach this observation with an open mind and consider the broader context of your relationship. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try having a gentle conversation.

Ask if everything’s okay or if there’s something on his mind. It might just be a phase, or he might open up about what’s really going on.

By offering a safe space for dialogue, you can better understand whether this increased alone time is harmless or if there’s more to it.

6. Criticism of Your Appearance

If he’s started criticizing your appearance out of the blue, it could be a sign that his attention is elsewhere. This kind of behavior might make you feel like you’re constantly under a microscope, whereas before, he seemed to appreciate you just as you were.

It’s as if he’s comparing you to someone else, even if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. I’ve seen this happen when someone begins to idealize another person, and suddenly you notice every small critique feels personal.

It can be hurtful and confusing, especially if he used to compliment you often. Instead of letting it erode your confidence, try to engage in an open conversation about how his comments make you feel.

Sometimes, bringing awareness to the issue can prompt him to reflect on his actions.

7. Sudden Interest in Self-Improvement

Have you noticed him suddenly hitting the gym more often or picking up new hobbies? A sudden enthusiasm for self-improvement might seem positive at first, but it can also be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.

When people are infatuated, they often want to present the best version of themselves, which can lead to unexpected changes in their routines. It’s not just about physical changes, either.

He might be reading different books or listening to new music. These shifts can indicate he’s trying to align himself with someone else’s interests or values.

Pay attention to whether these new habits seem out of character or if he’s less open about his motivation behind them. While self-improvement is generally a good thing, it’s important to consider the context.

If these changes come alongside other behaviors that suggest he’s emotionally elsewhere, it might be worth having an open conversation. Ask him what’s driving these changes to see if it’s a personal goal, or if there’s something more, he’s not sharing.

8. Decreased Communication

couple sitting on the beach not talking

When he starts communicating less, it might feel like talking to a wall. You try to share your thoughts or ask about his day, and all you get are one-word answers or vague responses.

I’ve been there—wondering what happened to those long, late-night conversations that used to leave you both feeling connected. This drop in communication can leave you feeling isolated like you’re not part of his world anymore.

It might be that he’s mentally elsewhere, fantasizing about someone else. If you find yourself in this situation, try initiating an open conversation about how you’re feeling.

It’s important to express your needs without sounding accusatory. Sometimes, bringing things into the open can help clear the air and get you back on the same page.

9. Avoidance of Physical Contact

Picture this: you’re sitting on the couch, hoping to cuddle up after a long day, but he casually shifts away, creating a gulf between you. If he’s suddenly avoiding physical contact, it could be more than just being tired or needing space.

When someone’s mind is elsewhere, especially fantasizing about another person, touch can feel like a reminder of what’s missing in their own headspace. Physical intimacy often serves as a barometer for emotional closeness in a relationship.

If he’s sidestepping hugs or steering clear of holding hands, it might signal that his thoughts are drifting. This kind of behavior can be confusing and hurtful, especially if you were both physically affectionate before. I’ve learned that addressing this kind of change head-on can be helpful.

It’s important to have an open conversation, sharing how you’ve noticed the shift and expressing how it makes you feel. This approach can sometimes bring to light underlying issues and open the door to understanding what’s really going on.

10. Unexplained Mood Swings

Imagine you’re going through your day, and everything seems fine until suddenly, he’s in a bad mood for no apparent reason. These mood swings can feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, leaving you confused and maybe even questioning if you did something wrong.

I’ve seen this happen in relationships where there’s something deeper going on, like when someone’s mind is elsewhere, possibly fantasizing about someone else. These unexplained changes in mood could be a sign that his thoughts are conflicted.

When someone is preoccupied with other fantasies, it can create tension and frustration. You might notice that his mood shifts without warning, going from happy to irritated or withdrawn, and it’s not because of anything specific happening between you two.

This inconsistency can be draining, especially when you’re left guessing what triggered it. If you’re noticing these sudden mood changes, think about how they fit with everything else going on.

It’s important to address your concerns openly and honestly. Sometimes, just having a conversation can help clear the air, but it’s crucial to approach it without blame. Creating a space where both of you can talk about what’s really on your mind might help you understand what’s causing these mood swings.

I really hope that you’ll never notice any of these 10 things, but if you do, especially if there are multiple things happening in a short time period, that’s a red flag and you should dig deeper into what’s happening, until it’s too late.

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