15 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

In relationships, I’m all for compromise and tolerance—for both women and men. Relationships aren’t perfect, and the best ones require give and take. But there are some things that should never be tolerated, no matter how much love or loyalty you feel.

In this post, I’ll show you the non-negotiables that keep relationships healthy and respectful. And what’s great about these tips is that they apply to everyone. While I often write advice with women in mind, these points are universal.

1. Aggressive Behavior

hurt fists guy

It’s never okay for someone to hit you or start breaking things around the house. If it happens once, it’ll likely happen again.

I’m not saying you have to avoid all anger—everyone gets frustrated sometimes. But if his anger turns into aggression, like hitting you or breaking things, that’s a line no one should ever cross.

You don’t need someone whose only way to handle issues is by being a bully. You deserve someone who can talk things through without making you feel scared or unsafe.

Aggression won’t solve anything, and if that’s his response to problems, it’s time to ask yourself if this is really what you want. You’re worth so much more than living in fear.

2. Cheating

Cheating shouldn’t be tolerated in almost any situation—99% of the time, it’s a clear sign of deeper issues. There’s almost zero chance someone cheated by “coincidence” or made a one-time mistake they’ll never repeat.

If it happens once, there’s a good chance it’ll happen again.

Cheating breaks trust, and once trust is gone, it’s incredibly hard to rebuild. You don’t need to constantly wonder if they’re being faithful or worry that it’ll happen again.

You deserve a partner who values loyalty as much as you do. If they’ve cheated, it’s often a signal that they aren’t fully committed, and you don’t have to settle for that.

3. Extreme Mess and Lack of Contribution Around the House

Living with someone who leaves an extreme mess everywhere or refuses to help out around the house can be exhausting and frustrating. If they’re treating the home like a dumping ground and expecting you to clean up after them, it’s a sign of disrespect.

It’s one thing if they occasionally forget to do the dishes or have a busy day, but when it’s a constant pattern, it’s unfair to you.

You’re not their maid, and you deserve a partner who respects the home you share. If they can’t make an effort to pull their weight, it’s a red flag that they’re not as invested in creating a healthy, supportive environment.

4. Prolonged Disinterest in the Relationship

Everyone has moments of feeling distant or needing space; that’s totally normal. I’ve been there myself—sometimes, after a busy week or a rough day, you just want a little breather.

But when that disinterest drags on for days, weeks, or even longer, and you’ve tried to address it without any change, it’s a serious issue.

If they’re constantly checked out, showing no effort to connect, and aren’t interested in fixing it, you shouldn’t tolerate it. Relationships need both people showing up and caring.

Related: Couples Therapy or Breakup: Which One Is For You

You’ll actually be doing yourself a favor if you choose to end something that’s gone cold sooner rather than later. It’s better to let go now than to spend more time feeling undervalued or alone.

5. Alcohol Addiction

alcoholic addict

Alcohol addiction is a huge issue on its own for obvious reasons, but it also brings a flood of other problems into your relationship—ones you shouldn’t have to tolerate.

Addictions like this often lead to behaviors like aggression, violence, extreme mess, and even verbal abuse. These issues don’t just affect the person with the addiction; they impact you, your safety, and your peace of mind.

It’s hard to build a healthy, stable relationship when one partner is struggling with alcohol dependency. If they’re unwilling to get help, it’s a sign that things are unlikely to change, and you don’t have to live with that chaos.

6. Drug Addiction

Drug addiction brings even more chaos and challenges to a relationship, often more severe than alcohol addiction.

Besides issues like aggression, financial strain, and lack of stability, drug addiction can introduce health risks, such as exposure to infections or illnesses. It often leads to serious financial problems, too, with money being borrowed or drained constantly to support the habit.

When someone is caught in a cycle of drug dependence, their ability to be a reliable, supportive partner is usually compromised. And if they’re not actively working on recovery, it’s unlikely that anything will change.

7. Gambling Addiction

While gambling addiction may seem less intense than alcohol or drug addiction, it can be just as damaging—and in some ways, even worse. A person with a gambling problem can reach a point where they’ll sell anything, or even go into debt, just to keep playing.

And today, it’s even easier to hide this addiction, with online gambling available anytime and anywhere, often without anyone noticing.

This secrecy is a big part of the problem. Gambling addiction creates financial instability, trust issues, and a cycle of lying and hiding. If they’re unwilling to get help, you could be left constantly wondering if the next paycheck will disappear or if they’re hiding new debts.

8. Verbal Abuse

We all have disagreements and arguments—it’s part of any relationship. But when things cross the line into verbal abuse, that’s a completely different story, and it shouldn’t be tolerated.

If your partner is constantly putting you down, name-calling, or using hurtful words to manipulate or belittle you, it’s a sign of deeper disrespect.

Verbal abuse chips away at self-esteem and creates a toxic environment. You should never feel afraid to speak up or be worried about constant criticism.

Healthy relationships involve communication and support, not words used as weapons.

9. Excessive Jealousy and Control

A little bit of jealousy can actually feel flattering; my wife always tells me it’s cute, and I agree—to a certain degree.

But when jealousy goes overboard and starts turning into control, that’s a real problem. Excessive jealousy can lead to constant accusations, restrictions on who you can see, and even demands on how you spend your time. Over time, it can wear you down and make you feel trapped.

If your partner’s jealousy is so intense that it causes constant conflict or pushes friends out of your life, it needs to be addressed. And if they’re unwilling to work on it, you shouldn’t tolerate it.

10. Lack of Support

Your partner should be your biggest supporter. That’s what I believe, and I know most people would agree.

While no one can be supportive all the time—life gets busy, and sometimes we miss the mark—you should generally feel like you can count on each other.

If you notice a pattern where there’s never any real support for you—whether it’s for your goals, your challenges, or even just the little things that matter to you—that’s a serious problem.

A partner who can’t or won’t support you leaves you feeling alone in the relationship. It’s a lack of care that shouldn’t be tolerated.

11. Lies and Secrecy

We all tell small lies now and then—it’s human nature. But when it comes to the important things, honesty is essential. If your partner is lying about significant issues or keeping secrets that affect your relationship, that’s a major red flag.

Constant lies or secrecy create a wall between you and undermine trust. It leaves you wondering what else might be hidden and makes it impossible to build a solid foundation together.

If they can’t give you that honesty, it’s a level of disrespect that shouldn’t be tolerated.

12. Putting You Down in Front of Others

I’ve witnessed this so many times in other relationships—thankfully not in my own, but I’ve seen it enough to know how damaging it is. This is one of the worst things that can happen between partners.

And I don’t mean playful teasing or joking around; I’m talking about genuinely putting you down in front of others.

When a partner criticizes or belittles you in front of friends, family, or anyone else, it’s not only hurtful but also incredibly disrespectful. It can leave you feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and isolated.

If they’re making you feel small or humiliated in front of others, that’s a behavior you shouldn’t tolerate.

13. Excessive Flirting With Others

flirting in a bar

Let me be clear—don’t confuse someone’s natural charm or openness with actual flirting. Being friendly and communicative is one thing; crossing the line into excessive flirting is another.

If your partner constantly flirts with others in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it’s a sign of deeper issues that can lead to bigger problems.

Excessive flirting not only stirs up insecurities, but it can also damage trust and even lead to cheating. If this behavior is creating tension or causing arguments, it’s a problem that shouldn’t be ignored.

There’s a line between friendly and disrespectful, and if your partner is crossing it repeatedly, it’s something to take seriously.

14. Refusing to Discuss or Work on Problems

I always say that relationships—and later, marriage—are constant work. It’s about growing together, building a better life, and finding happiness together.

But part of that process is facing issues as they come up and working through them. If your partner refuses to discuss or work on problems, it’s a serious issue.

You both need to be willing to adapt, make compromises, and put in the effort to keep things healthy. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away; it just lets resentment build up.

A relationship is a two-way street, not something you should be carrying on your own. If they’re unwilling to put in the work to make things better, it’s a lack of commitment that shouldn’t be tolerated.

15. Lack of Appreciation or Gratitude

Feeling appreciated is essential in any relationship. And yes, I get it—sometimes men just aren’t great at showing appreciation. It’s something a lot of us don’t naturally express.

If that’s the case, try encouraging him to show gratitude more openly; sometimes, a little nudge can make a big difference. But if you’ve tried and it still doesn’t improve—or if it only causes more issues—it’s not something to tolerate.

Appreciation and gratitude are essential on both sides. Without them, the relationship can start feeling one-sided, and over time, that imbalance drains the connection.

Lastly, if you decide to break up because of all the above, I suggest that you also check out our article 9 Tips to Make Him Regret Losing You. I’m sure you’ll like that one as well.

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